


Killing Me Softly

by romanrogers



Category: Logan (2017) - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Wolverine (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Daughter Relationship, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-29 20:14:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10143113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanrogers/pseuds/romanrogers
Summary: Strumming my pain with his fingersSinging my life with his words





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm... so sad.

 

The light shines indescribably bright into Logan’s eyes but it is practically dim in comparison to Laura’s eyes. They sparkle like his, her nose crinkles like his, and even her brow furrowed the same way as his. It elicits a twinge inside his chest that at one point he only ever felt for Charles and was reserved for him only.

 

The treetops sway in the wind, leaves crinkling and breaking off of their branches to follow the trail of wind all through the valley and into the mountains. The birds sing a low hymn from up above like an angel's choir in perfect synchronicity with the cicadas, but everything is background noise to the sound of Laura’s silent whispers. They are so faint that the wind almost carries them away like the leaves, but instead they stay. Stay there in the forest with Logan and Laura, the soft words hanging between them with the knowledge of what comes next for him. She holds his hand and Logan’s chest twists again in silent congruity. This feels right in a way that it hasn’t in a long time.

 

Logan is used to pain- it was one of the few constants in his life, along with Charles and the grim reaper who followed him like they were best pals. But this type of pain, the kind that he could feel slowly prying away at the tight grip he had on life, was rare. It was rare in the permanence he knew it provided and it was exactly what he wanted.

 

He has dreamt of this for years in what little moments he has managed to sleep. He would find comfort in the thought of it in moments of rage and hopelessness that came with Charles' bad days. He promised to himself though, 'Not until Charles goes too. Not before Charles.'

 

And then Charles went.

 

And Logan was left with a little girl who he didn't want and he hadn't wanted to take along with them in the first place. A girl who was trouble, who was what Charles' wanted- and he let it happen because Logan just couldn't say no, not to him... He couldn't say no and Charles died because of it, thinking it was Logan who killed him.

 

They were supposed to be on a boat. They were supposed to sail the rest of their days together alone and only with the other on still waters. Logan was supposed to be there for Charles' death but not like this, he wasn't meant to be the cause.

 

_'You were not,'_ Logan hears Charles' voice ring out gently from the quiet. The sound is like a bell, youthful like when they first met and not as rough as it had become with his old age.

 

From beside Laura, Logan can see Charles. His bright blue eyes are clear and warm, unmistakeable for anyone else's and his pupils are normal, clear of any signs of drugs. Logan's lips part at the sight of him- young and playful, hair curling across his forehead and swept behind his ears. His smile is kind and exactly the same as he remembers. It makes Logan become warm and his muscles go lax, he squeezes Laura's hand tenderly as he gazes at his daughter and Charles; his other halves in ever sense of the phrase. Logan stares at them unabashed, soaking in the moment.

 

_'That's right, Logan, take it in,'_ Charles encourages. _'It's beautiful, isn't it?'_

 

Logan wants to nod but he can't. Words don't come easy to him, as he attempts to keep himself from choking on air.

 

'Hush darling, don't hurt yourself anymore on my account,' Charles soothes. He phases through Laura, lifting a hand to gently caresses his face, almost as if to stroke the wet hair away from Logan's forehead. Charles' touch is simultaneously present but not, like the ghost of a feather across your skin or when your fingers just barely catch the fur of an evasive feline. It's soothing in a way that Logan hasn't felt since Charles fell ill. It's exquisite and painful for it to be so close but not all the way there, and Logan yearns for more.

 

However, this in-between of life and death is perfect the way it is, with Charles and his baby girl at his side. He loves Laura like he hasn't loved anything else before. The closest thing he can equate it to is the intensity he feels with Charles but it's not quite that. She's... a part of him like a limb but even more precious- but Logan is not one to wax poetic about things like this. That was always Charles.

 

Laura leans into him, carefully avoiding his worst of his wounds, and softly rests her head against Logan's chest.

 

"Daddy," she cries, tears sliding down her face wetting his bloody shirt. The word ignites something within him, something that Logan doesn't have the strength articulate. He can't hold on to her, though Logan wishes he could. He wants to wrap her and Charles up tightly and never let them go, keeping them both in their little purgatory.

 

_'I wish for that too,'_ Charles says mournfully, his face crestfallen. On reflex, Logan desperately craves to wipe the look away. He should be happy. Charles' mournful look softens into one more affectionate, but the sadness is not completely gone from his eyes.

 

The hand on Logan's face falls onto his and Laura's impassioned handhold. At the faint ghost of a touch, Logan allows his grip on Laura's hand to loosen from its tight hold.

 

_'Do you feel it Logan?'_ Charles asks.  _'Can you see?'_

 

Logan can feel it. For the first time in his life, he feels something beyond purpose. He's always had purpose, when it wasn't fighting wars, or recovering memories, it was protecting Charles. No, this... The emotion that Logan had lacked all of his long, long life, the one thing he had never done while alive- it was living. He finally felt alive.

 

Laura looks up at Logan, her eyes wet and glittering with uncontrolled grief. "Daddy," she says again, voice cracking. "No."

 

Logan had never felt more love than when he was about to fade into oblivion. He looked at Laura, his daughter, at Charles, at their twined hands. His beautiful family.

 

It's not a question, "So this is what it feels like."

 

_'Yes,'_ Charles nods lips quivering tragically, _'Yes dear, it is.'_

 

It was like falling asleep, but not as hard. Logan just let his eyes close and-

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, if you want chat or see more garbage from me, you can follow my tumblr [sansaasnark](http://sansaasnark.tumblr.com). Please feel free to talk to me about all the x-men things, I have lots of thoughts and enjoy avoiding my responsibilities-


End file.
